Monday, April 29, 2013

Indie Rock

Hello there, haters.

Please welcome me back to this page. I know it's been a while. Please believe me that the reason it's been so long isn't that I love all music all of a sudden. No no no, there's so much shit music out that it has likely debilitated my creativity. Indie Rock is the worst offender and we will discuss this today.

"Through these lenses we will destroy your creativity!!!"
Indie Rock began in the 1990s (arguably the greatest decade for Rock music), presumably to give people who hate good music an alternative. Slowly but surely, Indie Rock became the undisputed champion of music for douche bags. "Alternative" radio stations started getting rid of good music from the airwaves and started playing this garbage constantly. This of course spawned the most undeserving pretentious group of people ever, Hipsters.

Get off the stage you talented asshole!

There are 3 things hipsters like:

1. Being Ironic- Basically, hipsters enjoy dressing in clothes that people think look shit. But apparently to them dressing in a Hawaiian shirt is fashionable. Wearing a mustache is fashionable.

To be fair, Tom Selleck is a bad ass.
2. Pretending to be knowledgeable on bland subjects- Hipsters want to seem intellectual. Apparently the way to do that is to take on a leftist view on political issues and then discuss it with other friends who wear glasses with the lens popped out.

"Sarah Palin? More like Sarah Failin!!"
3. Indie Rock- Take steps 1 and 2 and there is why Hipsters like Indie Rock. Indie Rock is a perfect mix of moronic lyrics that make no sense to the backdrop of slowed down shit music, usually sung with a fake British accent, because apparently Madonna was the original hipster.

"We are living in a material world and I'm.....a creep, I'm a weirdooooo!"

Hipsters spend their time trying to find meaning in these Indie Rock lyrics, when really it's just nonsense. Putting it to the backdrop of shitty music plays to the need for a hipster to be ironic.

"This band is terrible, we love it!!!"

Actually, writing this now, I can see the appeal in being an Indie Rock artist, you can seemingly write down the stupidest shit you can think of and you make money off hipsters. Here is my new Indie Rock song:

bubbles filled with joy become soap strewn along the floor
my meal filled me up now i am back to being hungry and poor
despite the long horned turtles mentality, it continues to keep its pace
the meaning of existence disappeared without a trace.

The Self-proclaimed Carl Lewis of turtles.

I'm now a millionaire. Hipsters around the world are now listening to the lyrics trying to decipher what it all means. I asked a hipster to tell me what the lyrics to this means. They said the first line represents dreams being dashed in an instant. The 2nd line represents a person living hand to mouth. The 3rd line refers to being yourself because you are who you are and the 4th line represents a person lost in the world (WTF?).

Pictured: Dreams.

The truth of the matter is, I asked some people to give me some words off the top of their head, one person said bubbles, another said longhorn another said filled me up (not sure why). I converted these into the song and added it to the most nonsensical sentences i could come up with.

"I would relate to these lyrics more if you wore Ray-Bans"

Maybe the 3rd line does have meaning, stop trying to be something you're not, HIPSTERS! Paying attention when Question Time is on doesn't make you intelligent. Thinking some shitty Indie Rock band that no one has heard of doesn't makes you cool, it means you are a douche with really bad taste in music.

Video: Jimmy Kimmel proving the previous statement correct.

With a hipsters never-ending quest to be ironic, they don't wear band shirts of bands they like, they wear shirts of bands that they don't listen to.

"Yeah I love that Hello hello hello song."

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Best of 2010

Hey fellow haters,

Sorry for not writing a post earlier, I have literally had an entry written up in notepad twice now and it got deleted both times when my computer crashed.

I'm not really in the mood to be all angry at stuff so I thought I would make a list of the best songs of 2010:

The end.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010


What a bad idea this was, to start a blog about bad music, not only do I now put myself through the horrors of listening to the most awful shit the human race has ever laid down on compact disc, but I also now have a venereal disease, since all it takes to get one from Kesha is to look at her filthy, disgusting face which is exactly what I have had to do for the last half hour trying to find a picture of her for this blog.

Now you have Herpes too.

Who is Kesha? Well if you want to know what the human definition of the term "train wreck" is, well look no further than Kesha. She's also that annoying fuck that's on the radio all the time with such timeless monstrosities as "Tik Tok" & "Blah". Somehow Tik Tok has become the longest running Number 1 in US music in over 30 years, no wonder Al-Qaeda hates America.

Translation: A Jihad on Kesha!

The songs themselves are godamn awful as all hell as she tries her best to be the female version of eminem mixed with the sluttier version of the sluttiest stripper in the world.

Much less slutty.

But the worst thing about her are her lyrics which are not only absolutely nonsensical, but totally annoying to about 100% of people who got a D grade or higher in English class.

Compared to Kesha, this guy is Shakespeare.

First off there is the lyric in "Tik Tok" where she claims to "wake up in the morning feeling like P-Diddy". WTF? Who in the entire world wakes up in the morning feeling like they have been making video clips with Ma$e going "uh huh yeah, cant stop, wont stop, Bad Boy 4 lyfe baby" over and over again while being a flamboyant fuckstain? Well I guess Kesha knows all about that last part. She's got that down to a science.

Mornings at Keshas house, apparently.

My favourite line in Tik Tok, however, is "and now the dudes are lining up because they hear we got swagger/but we kick them to the curb unless they look like Mick Jagger". Uhhhh hold on, you only hang out with 70 year old men? Hold on, I'm gonna go tell my Grandpa, he's gonna be stoked! brb.....ok I'm back, he's not interested in obtaining the AIDS virus. Never mind.


Then just to prove that she has no chance of being the next Patti Smith, Kesha comes out with the literary masterpiece that is her sophomore effort, "Blah Blah Blah" where she basically just says Blah Blah Blah a whole bunch of times while singing about how she wants to dance with no pants on (Classy!), She wants to be naked with a drunk guy (Classy!), and saying the word "dick" around 47 times (Classy!), including my favourite line in this song, "don't be a little bitch with your chit chat/just show me where your dicks at" (Classy!).

Kesha being Classy!

Now I'm pretty sure that Kesha doesn't need any directions in finding where a mans penis is. That would be like me asking where my house is, while sitting in my living room or the shamwow guy asking where some hookers are.

"Hookers, you'll be sayin' wow every time! Especially when you beat 'em to a pulp and clean up there blood with a shamwow!"

If I have learned anything from reviewing this piece of shit, its that Lazy-eyed crack whores with an old man fetish can make it in the music industry too.

Very likely to be the next big popstar.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Opening Track

I'm totally aware most people that have somehow stumbled onto this page have seen the title of the blog and are probably thinking "ugh, not another blog written by some emo kid who is closed minded in his music tastes and started the blog mid-sentenced so he can't write for shit". Well guess what, you are WRONG! I'm not a kid.

Not me, but close.

You probably just read that paragraph and thought "ugh this guy has lame jokes too, i hate this guy". Yeah, well I hate you too, I hate the lame generic T-Shirt that you're wearing thats a bright colour with a faded "vintage" print that says something ridiculous like "1979 Havana Matador Competition". I hate that you smoked weed all through school and University, yet you still have a better job than me. But most of all, I hate your taste in music.

Your Reflection? or a picture to break up the paragraph?

This blog will be dedicated to the absolute worst in music. So, if you are into focusing on the positives or are into the following types of music:

Acid Jazz
Dance: Pop
Drum & Bass
Easy Listening
Electronic: Progressive
Metal: Alternative
Metal: Death,Black
Metal: Heavy-Metal
Metal: Power
Metal: Progressive
Metal: Thrash
New Age
New Wave
Pop: Japan


Rock & Roll
ROck: Alternative
Rock: Blues
Rock: Electronic
Rock: Folk-Rock
Rock: Gothic
Rock: Hard-Rock
Rock: Instrumental
Rock: Pop-Rock
Rock: Progressive
Rock: Psychedelic
Rock: Soft Rock
Rock: Sympho
Trance: Psychedelic

Then you will not enjoy this blog.

Potential Audience for this blog.

Starting soon, I will actually write real entires. I won't give away who I will be reviewing first, however I will give you two clues.

1. She is a piece of shit.
2. She is a major cause of the current eardrum fail epidemic the world is currently experiencing.