Kesha

What a bad idea this was, to start a blog about bad music, not only do I now put myself through the horrors of listening to the most awful shit the human race has ever laid down on compact disc, but I also now have a venereal disease, since all it takes to get one from Kesha is to look at her filthy, disgusting face which is exactly what I have had to do for the last half hour trying to find a picture of her for this blog.

Now you have Herpes too.

Who is Kesha? Well if you want to know what the human definition of the term "train wreck" is, well look no further than Kesha. She's also that annoying fuck that's on the radio all the time with such timeless monstrosities as "Tik Tok" & "Blah". Somehow Tik Tok has become the longest running Number 1 in US music in over 30 years, no wonder Al-Qaeda hates America.

Translation: A Jihad on Kesha!

The songs themselves are godamn awful as all hell as she tries her best to be the female version of eminem mixed with the sluttier version of the sluttiest stripper in the world.

Much less slutty.

But the worst thing about her are her lyrics which are not only absolutely nonsensical, but totally annoying to about 100% of people who got a D grade or higher in English class.

Compared to Kesha, this guy is Shakespeare.

First off there is the lyric in "Tik Tok" where she claims to "wake up in the morning feeling like P-Diddy". WTF? Who in the entire world wakes up in the morning feeling like they have been making video clips with Ma$e going "uh huh yeah, cant stop, wont stop, Bad Boy 4 lyfe baby" over and over again while being a flamboyant fuckstain? Well I guess Kesha knows all about that last part. She's got that down to a science.

Mornings at Keshas house, apparently.

My favourite line in Tik Tok, however, is "and now the dudes are lining up because they hear we got swagger/but we kick them to the curb unless they look like Mick Jagger". Uhhhh hold on, you only hang out with 70 year old men? Hold on, I'm gonna go tell my Grandpa, he's gonna be stoked! brb.....ok I'm back, he's not interested in obtaining the AIDS virus. Never mind.

ALRIGHT! TIME TO PARTAY!

Then just to prove that she has no chance of being the next Patti Smith, Kesha comes out with the literary masterpiece that is her sophomore effort, "Blah Blah Blah" where she basically just says Blah Blah Blah a whole bunch of times while singing about how she wants to dance with no pants on (Classy!), She wants to be naked with a drunk guy (Classy!), and saying the word "dick" around 47 times (Classy!), including my favourite line in this song, "don't be a little bitch with your chit chat/just show me where your dicks at" (Classy!).

Kesha being Classy!

Now I'm pretty sure that Kesha doesn't need any directions in finding where a mans penis is. That would be like me asking where my house is, while sitting in my living room or the shamwow guy asking where some hookers are.

"Hookers, you'll be sayin' wow every time! Especially when you beat 'em to a pulp and clean up there blood with a shamwow!"

If I have learned anything from reviewing this piece of shit, its that Lazy-eyed crack whores with an old man fetish can make it in the music industry too.

Very likely to be the next big popstar.