Monday, April 29, 2013

Indie Rock

Hello there, haters.

Please welcome me back to this page. I know it's been a while. Please believe me that the reason it's been so long isn't that I love all music all of a sudden. No no no, there's so much shit music out that it has likely debilitated my creativity. Indie Rock is the worst offender and we will discuss this today.

"Through these lenses we will destroy your creativity!!!"
Indie Rock began in the 1990s (arguably the greatest decade for Rock music), presumably to give people who hate good music an alternative. Slowly but surely, Indie Rock became the undisputed champion of music for douche bags. "Alternative" radio stations started getting rid of good music from the airwaves and started playing this garbage constantly. This of course spawned the most undeserving pretentious group of people ever, Hipsters.

Get off the stage you talented asshole!

There are 3 things hipsters like:

1. Being Ironic- Basically, hipsters enjoy dressing in clothes that people think look shit. But apparently to them dressing in a Hawaiian shirt is fashionable. Wearing a mustache is fashionable.

To be fair, Tom Selleck is a bad ass.
2. Pretending to be knowledgeable on bland subjects- Hipsters want to seem intellectual. Apparently the way to do that is to take on a leftist view on political issues and then discuss it with other friends who wear glasses with the lens popped out.

"Sarah Palin? More like Sarah Failin!!"
3. Indie Rock- Take steps 1 and 2 and there is why Hipsters like Indie Rock. Indie Rock is a perfect mix of moronic lyrics that make no sense to the backdrop of slowed down shit music, usually sung with a fake British accent, because apparently Madonna was the original hipster.

"We are living in a material world and I'm.....a creep, I'm a weirdooooo!"

Hipsters spend their time trying to find meaning in these Indie Rock lyrics, when really it's just nonsense. Putting it to the backdrop of shitty music plays to the need for a hipster to be ironic.

"This band is terrible, we love it!!!"

Actually, writing this now, I can see the appeal in being an Indie Rock artist, you can seemingly write down the stupidest shit you can think of and you make money off hipsters. Here is my new Indie Rock song:

bubbles filled with joy become soap strewn along the floor
my meal filled me up now i am back to being hungry and poor
despite the long horned turtles mentality, it continues to keep its pace
the meaning of existence disappeared without a trace.

The Self-proclaimed Carl Lewis of turtles.

I'm now a millionaire. Hipsters around the world are now listening to the lyrics trying to decipher what it all means. I asked a hipster to tell me what the lyrics to this means. They said the first line represents dreams being dashed in an instant. The 2nd line represents a person living hand to mouth. The 3rd line refers to being yourself because you are who you are and the 4th line represents a person lost in the world (WTF?).

Pictured: Dreams.

The truth of the matter is, I asked some people to give me some words off the top of their head, one person said bubbles, another said longhorn another said filled me up (not sure why). I converted these into the song and added it to the most nonsensical sentences i could come up with.

"I would relate to these lyrics more if you wore Ray-Bans"

Maybe the 3rd line does have meaning, stop trying to be something you're not, HIPSTERS! Paying attention when Question Time is on doesn't make you intelligent. Thinking some shitty Indie Rock band that no one has heard of doesn't makes you cool, it means you are a douche with really bad taste in music.

Video: Jimmy Kimmel proving the previous statement correct.

With a hipsters never-ending quest to be ironic, they don't wear band shirts of bands they like, they wear shirts of bands that they don't listen to.

"Yeah I love that Hello hello hello song."


  1. This all sounds about right. My ex wife's favorite genre was indie rock and I could never understand how it was taken seriously. Just a bunch of people who can't play instruments or sing while keeping actual pitch. I guess somehow not having the ability to sing at all means you should definitely start your own band? It's all so god-awful.

  2. It does suck. There's no soul in such thing, just pose and pretending.

  3. Indie "rock" sucks. This shit will never be rock. They are kids trying to be rock, but will never be. Hipsters are faggots and never will have the rock's spirit.
    Long live to real rock n' roll.